Many retirees and pre-retirees want to help their loved ones financially, and who wouldn’t? 

Parents want to give adult children a leg up, whether it’s a down payment, a co-signed loan, or extra support when retirement feels comfortably distant. After decades of parenting, handing out money feels natural and sometimes, even necessary. But generosity without structure can quietly undermine your own future. 

Pre-retirees and retirees sometimes confuse generosity with self-sacrifice. I see this when clients delay their own retirement in order to fund adult children's expenses or lifestyles, or when they will cover gaps for grandkids, just to avoid uncomfortable conversations about money. 

They mean well. They’re leading from the heart, after all. But sometimes, they are handing out pieces of their retirement without fully considering the long-term impact. 

It’s like the number one lesson on an airplane: in times of turbulence, secure your own oxygen mask first before helping someone else. In a recent episode of WiSE Words, “The Oxygen Mask Problem,” I explored why protecting your retirement first is the most generous act. 

Your RRSPs, TFSAs, pensions, CPP and OAS are your air supply, often meant to last 25 to 30 years. If you reach over and hand your mask to someone else before securing your own, you compromise your ability to breathe. In that state, you won’t be able to help anyone else. Even if you wanted to. 

That doesn’t mean we say no to supporting our loved ones outright. But unstructured philanthropy can be dangerous. Draining an RRIF too early, triggering unnecessary taxes, or unexpected OAS clawbacks can undermine long-term care planning and even independence. In the act of caring for others, putting their needs ahead of our own, we create instability for everyone on board. With a strong financial structure in place, support can flow calmly and without guilt. Without proper engineering, the pieces fall apart: giving becomes reactive, emotionally, and even harmful – both to your finances and to your relationships. 

Think of the retiree who funds an adult child’s mortgage at the expense of their own RRIF. They may later struggle to cover healthcare or long-term care costs. Meanwhile, their child is still in the workforce. What about the parent who overextends to help multiple family members? She may trigger tax penalties or clawbacks, creating tension and stress instead of relief. 

By setting clear boundaries and securing their own mask first, it is possible to give without compromising their own well-being. Financial planning is all about peace of mind. Giving thoughtfully within limits protects your independence and preserves your relationships. Plus, it ensures that when health changes inevitably arrive with age, your care needs and lifestyle are supported fully and without worries. Thoughtful, structured support means retirees can breathe easier, knowing their systems are stable. 

Think about this: next time the metaphorical airplane tilts and the masks drop, what will you do? Plan thoughtfully and protect your own supply first so you don’t risk running out of air. Advisors can help you figure out exactly how much you can give, and when, so you and the people you care about can thrive long-term.